BDSM is one of the most misunderstood concepts in sex life, and people often accuse this sex practice of being physically, mentally, and physically harmful. BDSM beginners may have trouble imagining anything else but the Room with chains and whips hanging from the walls. It is important for beginners to take things slowly until they figure out how BDSM looks for them and their partner. For everyone’s safety, it is important to understand some basic concepts before you get started. In this article, we will be discussing important rules, tips, and BDSM Basics to help you feel comfortable bringing your kink side into the bedroom.
What is BDSM?
The Acronym BDSM stands for bondage/discipline, submission/dominance, and sadism/masochism. There are many kinds of erotic practices that fall under the BDSM. Sex is only one aspect of practicing BDSM. Don't worry if that sounds intense! It is entirely up to you how deep and far you want to go with it, so whenever you want to stop, you can. Read on to learn more about each of the three categories:
Bondage and Discipline
In BDSM, BD stands for bondage and discipline. Sex play involving restraint is known as bondage. Having another person control your pleasure is key, and this can involve handcuffs, ropes, blindfolds, and many different restraints. The BD consists of teaching a "subject" to obey, follow the rules, or perform certain actions. Relationships between dominant and submissive partners almost always involve discipline.
Dominance and Submission
In BDSM, DS stands for dominance and submission. This is the act of giving full control over your body to someone else. The dynamics of dominance and submission can take place emotionally, physically, or both in sexual acts. The roles usually change between couples, but some couples prefer to stay in their roles for most of the time.
Sadism and Masochism
In BDSM, SM stands for sadomasochism or sadism and masochism. Those who practice sadomasochism derive pleasure from pain. Sadists enjoy inflicting pain on others, while masochists enjoy receiving it. BDSM has a strong emphasis on sadomasochism, but it's not for everyone.
Take Safety Seriously
It is consent that makes the difference between enjoying safe, BDSM and abusing a partner and possibly violating the law. All parties involved must consent to all activities planned, but they can also change their minds and revoke consent at any time. As a result, all parties agree that the activity is safe, they are of sound mind, and they have enthusiastically consented to participate.
Safewords are a key part of consent. When you want to slow down or stop completely in scenes, you can use these words or phrases that have been previously agreed upon between partners.
Expert Tips For BDSM Basics
Get Your Partner's Opinion
Talk with your partner about your desires, what turns you on, and what your boundaries are. It is incredibly important to conduct this conversation face-to-face before trying any type of BDSM.
Because BDSM usually involves surrendering control, communication and trust are essential. Being specific about what you want and don't want with your partner is extremely important, as they should do the same for you as well. Inform them, for example, if the idea of being blindfolded excites you, but having your hands cuffed causes you anxiety. In the same way, if they tell you they have no desire to be submissive, listen to what they have to say. Afterward, you'll be able to better negotiate consent and identify your limits so that you're both comfortable during the BDSM.
A negotiation is a requirement for any type of play in BDSM. The purpose of this section is to let your partner know what you're comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. Getting specific about your boundaries is essential because these activities leave us vulnerable to physical or emotional harm.
Talk About Consent
In BDSM, consent is of utmost importance. The intensity of BDSM play and the real risks involved in many types of play make it essential to ensure that every act is consensual. You should check in with your partner in between scenes as well as during the negotiation. Don't assume that something is okay because it was okay once, and don't assume it will remain so!
Keep a Safeword at Hand
When you say this, you're telling your partner you'd like to stop. The expression needs to be different from begging or saying no since, depending on the type of play, they may both be necessary. In the event that things don't work out the way you wanted, come up with a word that both of you will feel comfortable using. You should also use a nonverbal safewords in addition to a verbal safewords.
Choose a Setting
BDSM game plans involve picking a spot to execute the action. Whether it's a motel on your next vacation, a room reserved for power-play sex, or your home bedroom, it's still up to you. The only thing you need to be worried about is that you feel safe there. Nevertheless, you can incorporate different things into the setting, such as candles, sex toys, red lightening, etc.
Go Shopping For Toys
As exciting as BDSM is on its own, adding toys and props can make it even more fun. Check out Tracy's Dog's couples sex toys that'll light up your sex life with your partner. As for our remotely controlled sex toys, you will be able to control your partner's orgasm from anywhere at any time. As you lean into your agreed-upon roles, you might load up on restraints, chain nipple clamps, vibrators, paddles, anal beads, and/or lube.
Get Dressed
Similarly, dressing the part can bring out your dominant side or masochist side just as props and toys can. You might try a choker or anal plug with remote control if you're the submissive during the experience. You don't have to go overboard with the style, but if a little costume or accessory helps you channel your inner sex goddess, wear it with pride.
Stay Away from Alcohol and Drugs
The combination of drugs and alcohol and BDSM is not a good idea. This poses a safety risk to everyone involved. The intoxication can limit your ability to make decisions and make it difficult or impossible to give consent. Also, if you have to get high or drunk in order to participate in these activities, it's a good indication you must do some inner work before you can dive in. Talk to a therapist, or a close friend, if you are having trouble doing BDSM without getting drunk.
Here's What People Who've Been There Have to Say
Rezo, 23 - "My suggestion for you if you're interested in BDSM is to first masturbate to some of your sexual fantasies. To practice BDSM safely, sanely, and consensually, start by exploring recommended resources on the internet and enthusiasts to understand everything you need to know."
Mary, 32 - "Do as much experimenting with yourself as with others. Play only with someone you feel totally comfortable and willing to learn from. Please remember that its the most important part of BDSM is finding the right partner!"
Helena, 26 - "If you're exploring BDSM with your partner, don't be afraid to ask if he or she would be interested in exploring a particular element. It's totally fine if they say no. There's still a chance they're into the same things you are but they weren't brave enough to ask."
Sofi, 35 - "Having conversations with partners about not only the negotiated power exchange, but also the power dynamics in the BDSM is important. You should always talk to your partner about what you want to do and get his or her consent."
Wrap Up!
In this article, we discussed important rules, tips, and BDSM Basics to help you feel comfortable bringing your kink side into the bedroom. BDSM is one of the most misunderstood concepts in sex and people often accuse this sex practice of being physically, mentally, and physically harmful. It is our hope that after reading this article you will gain enough confidence to overcome your fears and enjoy the brilliance of the BDSM.