Let's Talk about Female Sexual Anxiety
Let me ask you a question. Have you ever had a female friend who confides to you that they are constantly anxious about having sex. We've all heard of the term performance anxiety very often. However, most of the time, it is attributed to men. Compared with male performance anxiety, female performance anxiety is rarely discussed. Society and media make it seems like it is only a man's problem. However, if you take a second thought, you will see how unfair it is that women often have to go through their sex lives without knowing that their performance anxiety is legitimate. Not only are they not alone, but there are also ways to treat it.
It is no secret when men suffer from performance anxiety, they are likely to have an erection problem. So what happens to women when they are sexually anxious? Though sexual performance anxiety is less diagnosed in women, it can prevent women from getting lubricated enough to be ready for sex. It can also take away a woman's physical desire for sex. Factors such as poor body images, orgasm pressure, STDs, etc. are just a few examples that can keep women from relaxing themselves and enjoying sex. If you suspect that your anxiety might be preventing you from enjoying sex itself, it is time to take a look at some of the sexual insecurities listed below to see if you might have one of them.
Poor body image
Body image can significantly affect your sex life. The appalling fact is that approximately 90% of women reportedly are not satisfied with their body image. The perfect bodies and pictures on social media add new sources of pressure to modern women. Many women think excessively how their body looks like during sex. Many worry that they don't look sexy, and thus their partner would think less of them because of that.
The pressure to please the other side
Some women are highly aware of what they do in bed, and they tend to focus all their energy on pleasing their partners. However, if you are constantly worrying that you are letting someone down, you probably can't get the most for yourself. While it is essential to cater to your partner's needs, it is also crucial to voice yourself and tell your partner what pleasures you. Plus, it can be super sexy to speak up and taking control, and ask your partner to please you during sex.
Excessive stress from daily life
Sex is not just a physical response; it is highly connected to your emotional readiness. Let's say you just had a rough day at work, then maybe it would be difficult for you to have the right mindset for sex. When your mind is distracted by stress from work, life, relationships, it is hard to focus emotionally during sex. You probably can't stop your mind wandering; Your body probably can't get aroused as fast as usual. In this case, maybe the best thing to do is to take a hot foam bath or have a heart to heart conversation with your partner or friends.
Fear of no orgasm
It is no secret that it is much harder for women to have an orgasm during sex. What makes things worse is that this type of anxiety leads to a vicious loop. It is very common that women will resign themselves to the conclusion that there is something physically wrong with them. The truth is if your mind is fully occupied by the pressure to reach orgasm, you can't enjoy sex itself. You might be so anxious about sex that you can't perform at all, which leads to even more severe sexual performance anxiety. We all know that women need a lot of foreplay to be aroused and sexually ready; be patient with yourself and listen to your body.
Having STDs is not a death penalty
Compared with the real harm from STDs, STDs' social stigma is probably causing more damage. Having STDs does not mean the end of your sex life; neither should you be ashamed of yourselves. Some of the STDs, such as HPV, are so common that most sexually active people will contract it sometime in their lives. Understandably, most people are disturbed upon hearing the word STDs because it is associated with being promiscuous. However, with the right protection and good communication, you don't have to live in the shame and guilt of STDs all the time.
How to overcome the anxiety
In order to get a hold of anxiety, the first step would be to understand where it stems from. Having an open conversation with yourself, your partner, your doctor, or anyone you trust will help reveal the underlying issue. Sometimes, just feeling like you can communicate is the most critical relief and powerful thing. Once you understand the root of the underlying problem, you can learn how to solve it.
It is also important to learn about your body, understand your sexuality, and discover what pleases you. Just because you didn't achieve an orgasm doesn't mean the sex was bad or that you performed badly. Instead of putting all the pressure on yourself, learn to be kind to yourself and accept that orgasm does not happen every single time. Learn to enjoy all aspects of sex. If you orgasm, great! If you don't, it is completely normal and acceptable.
The best way to learn what makes you orgasm is to find out for yourself. The confidence and energy you'll gain by taking ownership of your body will translate into sex with your partner. If, throughout your self-exploration, you realize that you enjoy vibrators or toys, suggest including them into your sex life with your partner. If your partner makes you feel bad about that, they are in the wrong — not you. You have the right to pleasure yourself.
Admittedly, nothing is exactly like an orgasm, nor should it be. Orgasm and the sensation it brings are unique, and so as many other things in life. Should life be less worthy without orgasm? Absolutely not. Life offers much bliss, and most of them have nothing to do with sexuality. So, the next time you're feeling the pressure to achieve orgasm, or have more orgasms, or have a specific type of orgasm... Take a deep breath. The next time you find yourself frustrated by your endeavor for the climax, or the mind urging you to come-come-come, remember that life offers you many other fantastic experiences, and your life is bigger than sex.