How To Use Porn To Explore Your Sexuality

How To Use Porn To Explore Your Sexuality

The only way to get what you want in bed is to ask for it. But what if you don't even know what that is? Exploring with a sexual partner can be fun and revelatory, but it can also be intimidating or even embarrassing if you're ashamed of your desires. And it also depends on you knowing what you want to explore, when you might have only the vaguest idea.

 

Enter porn.

 

Porn, whether you're watching it, listening to it, or reading it, is a fantastic way to try out new desires. Porn is low stakes: you can use it alone, you can pause it if you need a break, and you can pay attention to your responses without having to focus on anyone else. It's a chill, safe environment to figure out, on your own terms, what you like and what you might like. And it's an opportunity to act on fantasy urgently and immediately, without judgment or risk.

 

Porn also makes it easier to get aroused in all parts of your sex life. According to MDPI.com a recent study in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, women who use porn alone experience less difficulty with arousal and more pleasure. Porn also benefited partnered sex, with women who used porn more often experiencing less difficulty with arousal. Want to get started using porn to enhance your sex life and explore your desires? Here's how.

 

Choose Ethical Porn – And Pay For It

 

Sure, you can find endless free porn online, but it's better to pay for it. Popular tube sites are convenient but operate unethically, relying on piracy as a business model and sometimes using underage models or models who did not agree to appear on that platform. Instead, seek out studios that treat their creators fairly – for example, Pink & White Productions, ZeroSpaces, Kink.com, and Burning Angel – with a wide variety of people and acts involved so you can broadly explore what, and who, you're into. If you already have performers you like or who you know create content in the areas you're curious about, you can also go to the source by subscribing to their channels or buying clips from them directly. Follow your faves on Instagram or Twitter to see when they have new work available. You wouldn't dine and dash, so don't come and close the window without paying for your porn.

 

Create A Space For Exploration

 

Feeling safe and secure is part of having a good sexual experience, including with yourself. If you live with others, choose a time when they're out, or at least occupied in other parts of the space, and a room with a lock on the door. If you live alone, close any curtains you need to and adjust the room so you're comfortable. In either case, turn off your Bluetooth, grab headphones if others are around so you can enjoy at full volume if you feel shy, and charge your watching device and your sex toys.

 

While you wait for everything to charge, grab a towel to protect your seat or bed, your favorite lube (water-based, if your favorite sex toys are silicone), and a glass of water in addition to anything else you might be drinking. Set yourself up so you have everything you need to enjoy your experience without interruption.

 

Give Yourself Permission...

 

So that act or scene or genre you think about right before you come but can't bring yourself to try? That thing you tried once but don't know how to talk about? That fantasy you can't imagine actually ever sharing with anyone but that you want so, so badly? Type in that search, scroll through that category, click on that thumbnail. Give yourself permission to explore your desires without self-judgment.

 

...And Then Keep Giving Yourself Permission

 

As you engage with new porn, you might feel embarrassed, aroused, ashamed, turned on, indifferent, or many other feelings. Whatever comes up for you, try to remain in your body and in the experience. At first, just watch and stay present. Then, add masturbation. Don't focus on or even try to have an orgasm, just explore in ways that feel good.

 

Have A Debrief In Your Pants

 

It can feel easy to get off and get back to the rest of your day, but sit with your exploration just a bit longer. If you feel comfortable, journal. Note what you watched, how it made you feel, and how your body responded.

 

Getting in touch with your sexual desires takes practice. If you had a good session, you'll likely feel more excited to explore again, whether that looks like more porn or eventually acting on your fantasies alone or with others. If you didn't, it can feel discouraging. But don't think of your time as a letdown – see it as part of your learning process. When you're ready, grab your vibrator and dive back in.

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